Inside Out
Business Edition
"You can't change the direction of the wind. . .
but you can adjust your sails!"
--Jimmy Dean

Kim Olver, MS, NCC, LPC

www.Coachingforexcellence.biz
Kim@Coachingforexcellence.biz

To read our blog click here or go to www.coachingforexcellence.biz and click on "Blog" on the left hand navigation bar. Read some of Kim's musings and add some of your own!
Or visit our Bulletin Board and post a message.

A Message from Kim

Well, my book, Diversity from the Inside Out, is beginning to really take shape. In fact the title has been changed. It is now Leveraging Diversity at Work: How to hire, keep and inspire a diverse workplace for peak performance and profit. If you are interested in receiving advance notice of its availability just click on the book title to sign up. All I need is your name and email address.

We have a new product at Coaching for Excellence based on the requests of many subscribers. It’s a “De Escalation Skills Tip Sheet.” This excellent 7-page report is full of ideas on how to first manage one’s own anger and then be able to effectively deal with someone else who is angry at work. And it’s only $6.00! Learn practical and useful ways to take the momentum away from an angry individual and provide yourself with a planned way of managing someone’s verbally aggressive behavior. Having a plan will help you meet every situation with a calm demeanor and confidence that you can calm the person down effectively. Check it out. It’s a great deal.

I want to encourage any of you who are interested in a week of training in Choice Theory, Reality Therapy, Quality Schools and Lead Management to send me an email at kim@coachingforexcellence.biz to let me know if you would prefer a week Monday through Thursday or would it be better to have two days one week, skip a week and then have two days the following week. Your input will help me decide which format I will use. I’m very excited about planning this week for sometime in late March or early April.

Finally, I want to let you know that if you would like to talk to me personally, please sign in to any of our scheduled chat times. I have a chat scheduled every week and often I end up with one or two people online. This means that you can get individual attention and it won’t cost you anything. If you have questions or any suggestions, a chat is a good way to communicate with me.

In This Issue

Feature Article
Living the Dream? Yours or Theirs?
by Kim Olver

Upcoming Events
Teleclasses
Chat Room

Quote of the Week
"The one without dreams is the one without wings."
---- Muhammad Ali

Book Review
The Artist’s Way
by Julia Cameron

Tip of the Week

Business Q&A

CLICK HERE
for Free Teleclass Offer

About Kim Olver

Feature Article

Living the Dream --- Yours or Theirs?
by Kim Olver

I know people in my life who when asked how are things going, will reply, “I’m living the dream.” Can you say the same? If you could, what would it mean?

As far back as Sigmund Freud, psychologists have been saying that there are two major areas in a person’s life---love and work. When you are “living the dream,” you will be able to say that you have found satisfying work and are fulfilled in the relationships you share with the important people in your life.

Now, I ask again, “Are you living the dream?” Let’s talk about work first. When you wake up in the morning are you filled with a sense of excitement and anticipation for what your day at work has in store for you or do you have a sense of dread about what lies ahead? Of course, these are two opposite ends of the spectrum and more than likely you fall somewhere in between.

As a parent, I always advised my children to choose a profession that they love because they will be spending a lot of their time doing it. I don’t want them to be one of many who hates their job and dreads going to work every day. That is a terrible burden to bear.

So, what can you do if you are one of those people?

Have you discovered your definite purpose in life? We were all placed here on earth with a variety of gifts that will help us make the world a better place to live. We all have unique skills, interests and abilities that will add to the good of mankind and fulfill our own inner desires, as well. What is your unique, definite purpose?

I believe mine is to help people learn to lead more satisfying lives and to get along better with the important people in them. That’s what I do. I love to do it. I am energized when I do it. And although I generally get paid for the things I do, I love doing them so much, I would do them for free! This is what I wish for everyone in the area of work.

Many of us are living the dream but it is someone else’s dream. Are you working for the "man" without any pay off? What do I mean by a pay off? Why do you get up and go to work everyday? What motivates you? If it is only the paycheck, then you are living someone else’s dream.

Your work should be something that motivates you, gives you pleasure, provides something valuable to others and is in line with your definite purpose. If that doesn’t describe your work, you may want to take some time to reevaluate. You may think you are too old to change careers now or to go out on your own. However, in ten, fifteen or twenty years you are still going to be the same age whether you invest in your own dream or not. So what’s stopping you?

Now, let’s look at your relationships. What is the state of your current relationships with the important people in your life? I suppose I should start with the question: Do you have important people in your life? Hopefully, the answer to that question is yes, but if not, there is help available. You can improve your relationship skills and learn to make new friends and develop those relationships to their fullest. Everyone needs to have human contact in order to survive.

Some of us have companionship but we are unhappy in these relationships. How can you live the dream when you feel miserable around the people who are supposed to be supporting and encouraging you? Getting our relationships in order is a critical task that too many ignore. We look around us and see lots of other people in unhappy or mediocre relationships and we tell ourselves that is just the way it is. No one is truly happy. That is not true.

Creating healthy relationships is a matter of choice. You are not destined to be in a miserable relationship. Do you remember what it was like when you first got together? It was more than chemistry. There was something between you that made you know each other was special. You can regain that feeling.

Most of us never learn healthy relationship skills. We think it is something we are just supposed to know how to do but how good were our teachers? Shouldn’t you learn relationship skills from someone who has strong relationships and who knows how to maintain them?

Living the dream is not just for a few select individuals. Every single one of us is entitled to live our dream. It is possible and we have a right to be happy and satisfied. Here are some steps you can take:

1. You must clearly examine whether or not you are happy and satisfied with your current life’s work and your relationships with the important people in your life. If you are, then congratulations are in order and you need to read no further.
   
   
2. If you are not satisfied, then you must clearly delineate what the problems are and the source of your unhappiness.
   
   
3. Next, you must identify a solution over which you, yourself, are in control. That means you must formulate a solution that doesn’t involve someone else doing something differently. You know what I mean. "I could be happy if my wife would just cook dinner every night". "I would love this job if only the boss would get off of my case."
   
   
4. If you are unable to think of a solution that is solely up to you, then daydream  about what the perfect job or the perfect relationship would look like. How would you be, what would you have and what would you be doing? Assess your interests, skills and abilities to uncover your definite purpose. What is it you were destined to do?
   
   
5. Once you have your ideal picture in your mind, ask yourself what is stopping you? What would you have to give up to move in the direction of your dream? What obstacles do you face? What do you fear?
   
   
6. Now you must formulate a plan that has a reasonable chance of success. I’m not suggesting that you file for divorce or quit your job. What I am saying is come up with a plan that will move you forward in the direction you want to go. You can take small, baby steps as long as you do something each day that will move you along the path of living your dream.
   
   
7. The final step is to develop the strength to actually take the action you planned in Step 6. Making a plan is great but it will never accomplish anything if you don’t take action. Les Brown tells us, “You don’t have to be great to get started; but you have to get started to be great.” Do something.
   

If you are having difficulty with any of these steps, then perhaps coaching would help you. Coaching provides just the right balance of support and encouragement with challenge and accountability. You decide. Do you want to live your dream or someone else’s?

Copyright © November 2005 Kim Olver. All rights reserved

*Click Here or on icon to read some of Kim's other articles*

Upcoming Events

Teleclasses
(Times in EST)

All teleclasses are one (1) hour in length and all you need is a telephone. When you register we will send you a phone number that you will call five minutes prior to the start of your teleclass. You will have the opportunity to ask questions, but if you prefer to just listen that’s all right too.
You do not need a computer or Internet, only a telephone.
Don’t delay. There are a limited number of slots available.

Value Clarification
November 29, 2005 -- 2:00 - 3:00 p.m.
Are you in a business where your values and the values of others often come into conflict? Are you involved in a diverse workforce or customer base? Do you often find yourself shaking your head at the way other people do things? This class will help you by providing exercises for you to clarify the values that are most important for you as well as giving you the opportunity to hear other’s differing view points. You could gain the understanding necessary to accept other people’s ways without frustration.

Goal Setting & Attainment
December 27, 2005 -- 2:00 - 3:00 p.m.
Come on now; are you serious this time about keeping those New Year's resolutions? Let's really get serious about setting those goals for next year. Neural reconditioning is a step that is rarely discussed but is critical to your long term success. This teleclass will give you a time-proven system for setting and actually attaining those New Year's resolutions. No more excuses.

Working with Difficult People
January 9, 2006 -- 1:00 - 2:00 p.m.
Do you work with people who really try your patience? Is it in your best interest to work better with that person? Have you tried everything you can think of? Well, then, it’s time for something different. Join us on this teleclass and find out how you can improve this relationship.

How to Do More in Less Time
January 25, 2006 -- 1:00 - 2:00 p.m.
At the end of the day do you go home wondering just what exactly you accomplished? Do you spend a lot of time running around in circles? This teleclass will provide you with time-tested systems for staying organized, working smarter and actually getting more done in less time affording you more time to play. Sound good?

Chat Room

Kim will be available in her chat room for questions
and dialog on the following dates and times:

November 22, 2005 -3:00 - 4:00 p.m.
December 1, 2005 -4:00 - 5:00 p.m.
December 10, 2005 -3:00 - 4:00 p.m.
December 15, 2005 -10:00 - 11:00 p.m.
December 19, 2005 -7:00 - 8:00 p.m.
December 29, 2005 -11:00 a.m.. - 12:00 p.m.

Quote of the Week

Book Review

The Artist’s Way
by Julia Cameron

The title of this book is deceiving. It seems as if it must only be for artists to read. This couldn’t be further from the truth. The Artist’s Way is about finding the artist in each on of us. We were all born to be creative. It is our divine, spiritual gift but often, throughout our lives, we are discouraged from practicing our art.

This is very much in line with the whole “Living the Dream” concept. When we are being our authentic selves, we are receiving information from the Universal Spirit who provides guidance in our creativity. You will be amazed at the quality of work you can produce when you are operating within your definite purpose.

Ms. Cameron provides a way for us to find our way back to who we truly are. We can rediscover our creativity and our passion. The Artist’s Way is written as a 12-Week Journey of self-discovery. If you are not living your dream and you would like to get an idea of how to get there, try The Artist’s Way and really immerse yourself in each week’s lesson. This is much more than a book. Each week provides exercises and activities to help the reader get stronger.

Here is an overview of what you can expect: Recovering a Sense of Safety, Identity, Power, Integrity, Possibility, Abundance, Connection, Strength, Compassion, Self-Protection, Autonomy and Faith. Each word represents the lesson for the week. It can be a life-changing book if you dare to dream. Don’t let your dream go. Get the book and begin your creative recovery.

Click here to order this book

Tip of the Week

During a coaching call this week with a CEO, I learned the value of delegation. This man runs a company with almost 300 employees and believes he has no one to whom to delegate. Whenever something needs to be done that doesn’t fall under the scope of anyone else’s job, guess who does it? That’s right---the CEO! This does not work very well when he is trying to get his work done as well as all the other miscellaneous things that need to be done.

It is not possible to live your dream if you are constantly doing things that are better done by other people. Ask yourself if what you are about to do going to move you in the direction of your dream or sidetrack you in another direction. If it is going to sidetrack you, then get someone else to do it. What if you don’t have someone else? Then find someone.

I needed someone to help me with administrative kinds of tasks and daily office tasks that were definitely important but when I took my time to do them, then I was unable to concentrate my attention and energy on what is truly my passion---helping others and producing products that can reach even more people. I hired a virtual assistant not knowing where I would get the money to pay her. However, the way she does the things that I don’t like to do and have no time for has really helped free me up to live my dream. And in doing so, the money is always there. I can’t explain it. It ‘s a lot like the movie, Field of Dreams---Build it and they will come. Just do it and the money will follow.

How much time do you spend doing tasks that could and should be delegated to someone else? What do you believe the roadblocks are when it comes to delegation? What would you have to give up to delegate some tasks to one of your employees? What would it take to hire an additional person? You don’t think you can afford it? All right. I won’t argue but can you really afford not to?

F-R-E-E Teleclass

How would you like to take one of my teleclasses for f.ree? All you have to do is get two (2) people to subscribe to either of my e-zines and send me their e-mail addresses for confirmation with the name of the teleclass you would like to attend. If you do not wish to attend one of the teleclasses, you can give your f.ree teleclass to a friend or family member. It’s that simple! Send either one or both of the following links to all your friends and family and ask them to subscribe to the e-zine. For the personal edition of "Inside Out", go to The Relationship Center and for the business/school edition go to Coaching for Excellence and have them type their name and email address in the boxes on the right-hand side of the web page where it says, “Subscribe to Receive 'Inside Out', our Fr.ee EZine". Only two people actually have to subscribe for you to be eligible for a f.ree teleclass. Once their subscription has been confirmed you will receive an e-mail giving you the bridge line and access code for the teleclass of your choosing. A listing of teleclasses being offered can be found in both my weekly e-zine or on my calendar page at either web site. There is no limit to the amount of f.ree teleclasses you can earn---you get one f.ree teleclass for every two referrals that sign up for one of my e-zines. Within the next year I am planning on adding many new teleclasses on several topics including the following:

How to Do More in Less Time
Coaching for Peak Performance
Effective Communication
Goal Setting and Attainment
Diffusing Anger
Problem Solving
…….and many more.

Please continue to check this eZine and my website calendar for these new and exciting teleclasses. Don’t wait, take advantage of this offer and experience the new technology of teleclasses, learning and growing from home or office.

Business Q&A

Question: I applied for this new job, just knowing it was exactly what I wanted to do. It was a new position---one that the company had never filled before. I would like to be able to create it into the position I wanted it to be as long as it was in line with the agency mission and vision. I have been so excited. Well, I’ve been doing the job for about four months now and it’s nothing like what I thought it would be. It is not a fulltime position so I am not able to give it the time I think it requires. It seems like everyone in the company has different expectations of me and this new position. I’m frustrated and don’t think I’ll be able to please everyone. I don’t know what to do.

Answer: First of all, congratulations on getting the job you wanted. Now we have to work at making the reality of the new job match the ideal picture you had in your head when you applied for the job. What are the regulatory requirements of the job? That is where you have to start. What is it that has to be done so your company does not get cited for not fulfilling government requirements? Those are the first things that need to be implemented.

The next question is what is expected from you by your supervisor and management. This is the second area to be focused upon. While you are still living someone else’s dream you need to have clarity on their dream. It is great if your dream and theirs can match up but in the overall scheme of things, management needs to be satisfied or you may not have a position.

Thirdly, you should compile all the desires and wants of the other people in the company, including yourself, about what everyone’s expectations are of the new position. Then you must realistically look at how much time is allotted for you to do the job and what you can realistically expect to accomplish. If there is time after regulatory requirements and management expectations, then you can begin to look at the hopes and dreams you and others have for the position.

If this is not realistic, then you must assemble the major players and notify them of the realities of the position so expectations can be adjusted accordingly. The job is not impossible, as she believed, but rather it is a matter of defining how the job can be possible. We have to take control of those things over which we have control and learn to accept the things we can’t.

About Kim Olver

Kim Olver is a professional coach, specializing in the field of interpersonal skills, empowerment and leadership development. She has functioned in the role of supervisor and administrator for over 20 years. This column is for readers to submit their questions for Kim to answer. It could be a question about supervision skills, maximizing teamwork, customer service, interpersonal skills or client satisfaction and empowerment. No interpersonal question in the field of work is off limits. To ask your question, simply send it by email to Kim@CoachingforExcellence.biz and look for her response in future issues.

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Copyright © November 17, 2005 Kim Olver. All rights reserved.