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| May 25, 2005 - Volume I, Issue 4 |
A Message from Kim |
Hi everyone. I hope you are enjoying the eZine and if you are, please pass it along to others who may benefit from the ideas and information contained in it. I have a goal to reach 1000 subscribers by
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In This Issue |
Feature Article Upcoming Events Business Q&A CLICK HERE |
Feature Article |
Stress Management Have you ever said the words, "This job/my life is so stressful!" Or something else along those lines? Most people believe that stress is something that happens in their lives. They believe it is the result of outside circumstances beyond their control. We are stressed if our work is too difficult. We get stressed when people in our lives aren’t doing what we want them to do. We are stressed when it’s been too long since a vacation. We get stress over deaths, weddings, major purchases and a host of other things. We talk as if stress is something outside ourselves---a condition of things in our external environment. It's not. Health professionals will tell us that stress is a contributing factor in many physical ailments---heart attacks, asthma, high blood pressure, stroke and many others. There are several diagnoses in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual IV, the diagnostic tool of therapists and psychiatrists that describe many stress-related disorders. Stress is a killer. Have you ever wondered why some people seem to handle stress better than others do? One individual may have all the life circumstances purported to cause stress in one’s life but seem to be just breezing through his or her day, seemingly without a care, while another person gets a flat tire on the way to work and has a total melt down. How can this be explained? I intend to look at stress from a different perspective---a choice theory perspective. According to Choice Theory, all behavior is purposeful. This means that no matter what we do it is a purposeful attempt to get something we want. We are never simply responding to outside stimuli. You may ask, “What about when I flinch when I hear a loud noise?” The flinching is not a response to the noise, but rather your proactive way of staying safe. This may seem like I’m splitting hairs, but it is an important distinction to understand in this discussion of stress. Let me give you another example. You may think you get mad at your child for not cleaning his or her room after you asked several times. It sure feels as if the anger is in direct response to your child’s behavior. However, your anger is actually your best attempt to get your child to do what you want. By displaying angry behavior, it is your belief that your child will go ahead and clean up his or her room. Any behavior or emotion we employ is a proactive, sometimes conscious sometimes not, attempt to get something we want, not a response to external stimuli. The same is true for stress. We are choosing stress as a proactive attempt to get something we want. This choice is almost never conscious, but I want it to become conscious for you. Once it is conscious, then you have the power to choose to do it differently if you so desire. Since all behavior is purposeful, it helps to understand what possible benefits or purposes one could achieve by stressing. Who would ever choose that behavior for any benefit? I say stressing can be motivating. Many of us perform at our peak level when we have that adrenalin rush moving through our veins. Anyone who has ever waited until the last minute to study for a test or complete a project knows what I’m talking about here. Stressing can also be a way of telling others they better back off. I know when I felt stress, it was my unconscious goal to let my boss know she had better not ask me to do one more thing or I just might lose it! I would send out signals of overwhelm---lots of sighing, threatening looks, irritability, loss of humor. I have to admit that since I didn’t do it very often, it was quite effective. Whenever I was stressed, my boss generally left me alone to do my work. Stressing can also get us the help we need. When the message is out there, others may rally around us to support us. People may actually offer to do some things for us so we can reduce the overwhelm. Another possible benefit is that stressing can provide us with recognition. People may say, "Wow, look at _____________. I don't know how he/she gets all that done. It's amazing!" There are some who appreciate this positive recognition. One final thought on stressing benefits. . . When we stress long enough, we may develop physical symptoms. In Choice Theory, Dr. Glasser tells us that are behavior is total, meaning it is comprised of four inseparable component---the action, our thoughts, our feelings and the physiology of our body or whatever our body is doing at that moment. When we don’t take care of managing our stress levels, our physiology takes over and creates physical symptoms for us. Now remember, I said all behavior is purposeful and physiology is a part of the total behavior. Do you understand the purpose of the physical symptoms that accompany prolonged stress? Of course, it is our body’s way of telling us we have to stop or slow down. It produces the physical symptoms that are hard to ignore. When we attend to them, we get the rest we need and therefore reduce the stress. Can you see how all behavior is purposeful? If you are experiencing the effects of stress in your life, I am not suggesting that you are to blame. What I am saying is that up until this point, you have been doing absolutely the best you know how, consciously or unconsciously to get something you want by stressing. If you can pinpoint what the benefit(s) of stress is/are to you, then you can look at ways to get what you need without having to stress. Join us in our teleclass to discuss stress further and to learn ways we can unleash the power within you by controlling your response to stressful events. You don’t have to succumb to physical symptoms before seeking help. Start today. Click here or visit our website at www.coachingforexcellence.biz, go the “Events” page and register for our upcoming teleclass on Stress Management. Copyright © May 25, 2005 Kim Olver. All rights reserved. |
*Click Here or on icon to read some of Kim's other articles*
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Upcoming Events |
Teleclasses Time Management Do you always feel like life gets the best of you? No matter what you do, it doesn’t seem to make a difference? There is too much undone work at the end of your day? People are getting on your last nerve? You just can’t take one more thing? Then this teleclass is for you! Learn how to reduce stress in your life by taking control of the things you have control over---the things you think and the things you do. These revolutionary ideas are different from the ones you typically hear in a stress management workshop. Register for this call today and take charge of your life. Managing Depression |
Chat Room |
Tip of the Week |
Goal Attainment and Time Mapping Do you have a time management system that you use on a daily, weekly, monthly and even annually basis? Does it incorporate your personal and career goals? Is your life path on purpose or are you just putting out fires daily. A goal doesn’t mean anything until you write it down and schedule its task completion somewhere during your week. It is crucial to understand the steps necessary to accomplish our goals and then have those steps mapped out with a timeframe for achievement. Without a plan, it's like getting on a plane and then, once the plane is in the air, asking its destination. You won't get to where you want to be by accident. If you don't have a time management system in place, don't wait till January to start one, along with your other New Year's resolutions that are forgotten by January 15th. Start today. Make a list of the goals you want to achieve and the dates by which you want to achieve them. Be as specific as possible. Now write down all the small steps necessary for accomplishing your goals and then schedule those steps into whatever planning system you use. When time mapping, it is always helpful to have the big picture. This means, at minimum, your one-year goals but ideally, your five-year goals are good to have in mind. Describe, in as vivid detail as possible, where you want to be one, three and five years from now. Where do you want to live, how much money do you want to make, what car do you want to drive, what is the state of your relationships or family, what education will you have, what work will you be doing, what will be the state of your finances? Write down your answers. From your one-year goals, you need to write out the steps that you must take to achieve them within your one-year timeframe. When you have the steps articulated, break them down into what you are going to do each month. Then when you plan out your weekly schedule, you will need your monthly goals and your “To Do List”. Either do your planning at the end of the day on Friday, Sunday evening at home or Monday morning when you first begin your week. Write in the obligatory things for the week---meetings, appointments, project deadlines, etc. Then, fill in around those things the tasks necessary to move you forward toward your monthly goals. Always leave yourself some open space in your schedule to fit in disruptions and crises. That way when you don't finish a task you will still have some open time available to put it into your schedule later in the week. Also, when you book yourself solid without leaving time for the inevitable interruptions and crises, especially when your job is crises-filled, then you are setting yourself up for failure. At the end of the week, you will only see those things that you didn’t complete that you had planned to do. Be realistic in planning your schedule. It will probably be necessary to readjust your schedule at the end of each day for the following day. Adjusting is perfectly fine as long as you keep your eye on the prize---your one-, three- or five-year goals. Don't allow yourself to be sidetracked or worse, totally derailed. You have every right to have the life you want but you, and you alone, are responsible for creating it. |
Quote of the Week |
“It's not what's happening to you now or what has happened in your past that determines who you become. Rather, it's your decisions about what to focus on, what things mean to you, and what you're going to do about them that will determine your ultimate destiny.” This quote fits in with the feature article about stress. Stress is not something imposed on us from outside. Stress is something we create within ourselves mostly by the way we perceive and think about things. When we develop healthy thinking patterns and take control of our thoughts, we can very effectively manage our stress. If you’d like to hear more about stress, click here and register for one of the Stress Management teleclasses. |
Business Q&A |
Question: I notice on your eZine is a link to read your blog. I keep hearing about blogs but I don’t really know what they are. Could you tell me more please? Answer: This is a great question. I know there are many people out there who don’t know what a blog is. Let’s start with a definition: blog is short for web log. It is a journal of sorts. People use them for many different things. I use my blog so visitors to my website can get a better sense of who I am, how I think and the way I work. This helps people determine if I might be the right coach for them. They are a website of their own or they may be incorporated into a bigger website as mine is. I have two blogs---one is at www.coachingforexcellence.biz and the other is at www.therelationshipcenter.biz. On my site, they are called web journals so to get to my blog, you would click on the link on my home page that says “Visit our Web Journal”. The Coaching for Excellence blog is entitled “Management Tips & Teamwork”. In it you will find thoughts, tips and advice on being more successful in the business world, as both an individual and as a manager. You can go to the blog and just read the daily postings from Kim, Monday through Friday, or you can interact with Kim and others who read the blog by posting your comments. If you would like to leave a link to your own website in the comments section, it has been said that this will also increase search engine ratings, something anyone with a website is interesting in achieving. Take a look, leave a comment. See you there. |
Free Teleclass Offer |
How would you like to take one of my teleclasses for f.ree? All you have to do is get two (2) people to subscribe to either of my e-zines and send me their How to Do More in Less Time Please continue to check this eZine and my website calendar for these new and exciting teleclasses. Don’t wait, take advantage of this offer and experience the new technology of teleclasses, learning and growing from home. |
About Kim Olver |
Kim Olver is a professional coach, specializing in the field of interpersonal skills, empowerment and leadership development. She has functioned in the role of supervisor and administrator for over 20 years. This column is for readers to submit their questions for Kim to answer. It could be a question about supervision skills, maximizing teamwork, customer service, interpersonal skills or client satisfaction and empowerment. No interpersonal question in the field of work is off limits. To ask your question, simply send it by email to Kim@CoachingforExcellence.biz and look for her response in future issues. |
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Copyright © May 25, 2005 Kim Olver. All rights reserved. |
