Inside Out
Business Edition
"You can't change the direction of the wind. . .
but you can adjust your sails!"
--Jimmy Dean

Kim Olver, MS, NCC, LPC

www.Coachingforexcellence.biz
Kim@Coachingforexcellence.biz

To read our blog click here or go to www.coachingforexcellence.biz and click on "Blog" on the left hand navigation bar. Read some of Kim's musings and add some of your own!

A Message from Kim

Hi everyone. I trust you are all back into work mode following the extended holiday season. It seems I don’t really get into production mode until after the Martin Luther King, Jr. holiday. That means right about now.

I have a new product offering that many of you may be interested in. I am offering four different Basic Intensive Weeks of Reality Therapy training. Now, from many of you, I know that you may be thinking you are not counselors or therapists so what does Reality Therapy have to do with you? Well, Dr. William Glasser first developed Reality Therapy in 1965 so the training is called “Reality Therapy Training” however, the things that are taught in that training have widespread applicability. You will learn Choice Theory, which provides an explanation for all human behavior. This is very helpful in doing some self-development things as well as improving the important relationships in your lives. There is also information on the application of Choice Theory to schools, as in the Quality School Program. This training is applicable to teachers, school administrators and board members. Also, Dr. Glasser’s work involves the application of Choice Theory to the workplace in terms of Lead Management, which is also discussed.

So if you are a counselor, psychologist, social worker, clergy, teacher, school administrator, board member, business leader or a person interested in self-development then Choice Theory training can provide you with excellent information to move you to the next level. I will be announcing the dates of the training very soon (within a week) and will be sending the information out to you in a special mailing. This training will also provide NBCC CEUs, CEUs for Illinois licensed social workers and professional counselors, as well as Illinois teachers.

You won’t to miss this opportunity. This training will make your job easier, help reduce stress and provide you with the secrets to living happily from the inside out. Look for the special announcement later this week

In This Issue

Feature Article
Choice Theory

Upcoming Events
Teleclasses
Chat Room

Quote of the Week
"What people fight or resist is control; not education; not relationships.”
—Dr. William Glasser

Book Review
The Classroom of Choice:
Giving Students What They Need and Getting What You Want
by Jonathan C. Erwin

Tip of the Week

Business Q&A

Reports & eBooks

CLICK HERE
for Fr.ee Teleclass Offer

About Kim Olver

Feature Article

Choice Theory
by Kim Olver

You have listened to me for a year now talking about Choice Theory but I know I’ve never really explained what Choice Theory is. Choice Theory is actually an explanation of all human behavior developed by Dr. William Glasser.

There are basically five components of this theory—the basic human needs, the quality world, the perceived world, the comparing place and total behavior. I’ll give a brief overview of each one, starting with the five basic human needs.

The Basic Human Needs
We are born with five basic human needs—survival, love & belonging, power, freedom and fun. We are all born with these needs but we experience them to varying degrees. One person might have a high love & belonging need, while another person is high in freedom. We are born with these needs and are biologically driven to get them met in the best way available to us.

The Quality World
This is a place that exists inside all of us where we store pictures of things that have satisfied one or more of our basic needs in the past or things we think may satisfy them in the future. These things do not have to meet society’s definition of quality. Alcohol is in the quality world of an alcoholic, steeling cars in the quality world of a car thief, and domestic violence is in the quality world of a batterer. The only two requirements for entry into the quality world are that it meets one or more of our needs and it feels good.

The Perceived World
There is much to be said about the perceived world but for the purposes of this article, all I want to say is that we each have our own perceptions of the world. Our sensory system takes in information through sight, touch, sound, taste and scent, however we all have unique ways of processing that information based on our life experiences, our culture, and our values.

The main thing to remember about the perceived world is that if you encounter others whose perceived world doesn’t match yours, it doesn’t mean one of you is wrong. It simply means you are different. Remembering this simply statement will reduce much of the disagreements and fighting that occurs in people’s lives. Acceptance of this fact would mean we could give up the need to convince others of our point of view. We could simply accept the fact that we see things differently and move on.

The Comparing Place
The comparing place is where we weigh what we want from our quality world against our perceptions of what we believe we are actually getting. When these two things are a match, all is well.

However, when our perceptions and quality world don’t line up, in other words we perceive we are not in possession of the things we want, then we are driven to action to get those things we are thinking about. People generally don’t make a lot of progress or change the things they are currently doing unless they are in some degree of discomfort—the greater the pain the more motivation to try something different.

This is where conventional wisdom tells us that if we want what’s best for other people in our lives, then it is our responsibility to raise their pain level to get them to do things differently because we generally know what’s best for them. Right?

Wrong. We can only know what’s best for ourselves. Remember, our perceived worlds are all different. We have unique values and experiences. How can we possibly know what’s best for someone else when we haven’t been in their skin or lived their life? We can only know what’s best for ourselves.

Total Behavior
There are two main things about behavior. One is that all behavior is purposeful and two is that all behavior is total. Let’s begin with the idea that all behavior is total. There are four inseparable components of behavior—action, thinking, feeling and physiology. These all exist simultaneously during any given behavior in which we engage. The first two components—acting and thinking—are the only components over which we can have direct control. This means that if we want to change how we are feeling or something that is happening in our bodies (physiology), then we must first consciously change what we are doing or how we are thinking.

As for all behavior being purposeful, all behavior is our best attempt to get something we want. We are never acting in response to some external stimulus. We are always acting proactively to get something we want. This means that when I would yell at my son to clean his room after asking him nicely several times, I wasn’t yelling because my son “made me mad.” I was yelling because I was still using my best attempt to get him to do what I wanted, which was to clean his room. This seems like I’m splitting hairs but it’s an important distinction to make when you are attempting to move from a victim’s role to that of an empowered person.

The Implications
Choice Theory pretty much rids us of the idea that people are “misbehaving.” All anyone is doing is their best attempt to get something they want. Of course in the process, they may break laws, disregard rules and hurt others but those are really side effects of doing the best they know how to get their needs met. We are all doing our best—some of us simply have better tools, resources and behaviors at our disposal than others.

If we embrace Choice Theory’s concepts, then our function should be more to educate and help others self-evaluate the effectiveness of their own behavior. Know that often they will continue to do things exactly as they have because it’s familiar and/or because what they are doing really is getting them something they want. It is not our job to stop them, nor is it our job to rescue them from the consequences of their own behavior.

We can only make our best attempt to help others evaluate the effectiveness of their behavior and to choose a different way that perhaps is not against the rules or doesn’t hurt the person or someone else. Then, we need to get out of the way and let the situation play out. This may seem hard to do—like you aren’t doing your job as a parent, teacher, counselor, or supervisor, however, I ask, what is the alternative?

When you attempt to force or coerce or bribe another person to do things he or she doesn’t want to do, you may be successful. You may be able to find the right reward or create a painful enough consequence to get another person to do what you want but in so doing you are breeding resentment and contempt. Your relationship will suffer. If you believe, as I do, that relationship is the root of all influence, then you are losing your ability to influence another by using external control.

If you have enjoyed this article and want to learn more about it, you should check out my Choice Theory Special Report. This report will expand on the information provided in this condensed article version. To purchase this report click here.

Copyright © January 2006 Kim Olver. All rights reserved

*Click Here or on icon to read some of Kim's other articles*

Upcoming Events

Teleclasses
(Times in EST)

All teleclasses are one (1) hour in length and all you need is a telephone. When you register we will send you a phone number that you will call five minutes prior to the start of your teleclass. You will have the opportunity to ask questions, but if you prefer to just listen that’s all right too.
You do not need a computer or Internet, only a telephone.
Don’t delay. There are a limited number of slots available.

Goal Setting & Attainment
February 28, 2006 -- 7:00 - 8:00 p.m.

Come on now; are you serious this time about keeping those New Year's resolutions? Let's really get serious about setting those goals for next year. Neural reconditioning is a step that is rarely discussed but is critical to your long term success. This teleclass will give you a time-proven system for setting and actually attaining those New Year's resolutions. No more excuses.

How to Do More in Less Time
January 26, 2006 -- 1:00 - 2:00 p.m.

At the end of the day do you go home wondering just what exactly you accomplished? Do you spend a lot of time running around in circles? This teleclass will provide you with time-tested systems for staying organized, working smarter and actually getting more done in less time affording you more time to play. Sound good?

Teaching to Different Learning Styles
February 7, 2006 -- 1:00 - 2:00 p.m.

Are you a teacher, trainer or coach looking to increase your effectiveness? Do your educational pieces seem to reach some of your learners but lose others? Enroll in this teleclass. You will learn ways to teach to all three learning styles. We will also discuss the different intelligences so that you may incorporate as many as possible into your teaching to capture as many learners as you can.

360 Feedback
February 22, 2006 -- 2:00 - 3:00 p.m.
Are you a manager who is truly interested in how you are doing as a manager? If you want honest feedback, 360° feedback is the only way to go. Join this call to learn how it can be done to ensure the highest quality of feedback you can achieve

Chat Room

Kim will be available in her chat room for questions
and dialog on the following dates and times:


January 18, 2006 - 6:00 - 7:00 p.m.
January 24, 2006 - 11:00 a.m. - 12:00 p.m.
February 2, 2006 - 9:30 - 10:30 p.m.
February 7, 2006- 11:00 a.m. - 12:00 p.m.
February 14, 2006 - 7:30 - 8:30 p.m.
February 20, 2006 - 6:00 - 7:00 p.m.
February 28, 2006 - 12:00 - 1:00 p.m.

Quote of the Week

Book Review

The Classroom of Choice:
Giving Students What They Need and Getting What You Want
by Jonathan C. Erwin

If you are a teacher attempting to implement Choice Theory in your classroom, you are going to love this book. It takes Choice Theory out of the theoretical realm and gives commonsense practical examples for implementation in your classroom.

This book is filled with ideas for how to actually put Dr. Glasser's ideas into use in a school setting. Mr. Erwin takes the five basic human needs of Choice Theory and devotes a chapter to each one--giving suggestions for just how to structure one's classroom so that teachers and students alike can each get their needs met in a responsible, productive way.

Mr. Erwin also gives ideas for how to manage disruptive behavior in a way that doesn't involve removing students from the classroom and teaches them the self-discipline skills needed to be successful in all areas of their lives.

Overall, I would highly recommend this book for teachers, school administrators, school board members, parents or anyone interested in improving the situation in schools and who may be seeking practical advice on just how to make "No Child Left Behind" actually work.

Click here to order this book

Tip of the Week

Whenever you are writing a lesson plan for a new subject, determine the competencies you want your students to demonstrate so you can recognize their knowledge of the subject. Provide them with the information or rubric of what would represent competence and allow the student to choose the method he or she will use to demonstrate that competence. As long as you are assured they understand the material, then the method that’s used becomes irrelevant to you. However, it will be extremely relevant to the student.

As you know, Howard Gardner identified Eight Intelligences. He talks about language intelligence, logical and mathematical intelligence, visual and spatial intelligence, musical intelligence, physical/kinesthetic intelligence, interpersonal intelligence, intrapersonal intelligence and naturalist intelligence. If each student were permitted to tap into their particular strength, then they might begin to believe that they really could be successful in school and would begin to put more energy into the learning process. I know other teachers who have tried this method with phenomenal results. Give it a try and let me know how it works for you. I may use your story in my next book.

Business Q&A

Question: How do we go about reaching those kids who have given up on school and the idea that they can be successful?

Answer: I truly believe in the concept of "No Child Left Behind" and I believe many school personnel do also but they just don't have the tools to practically make it work.

There are two ways that I know of to attempt to reach the "unreachable" kids. One is with relationship; the other is with competency based learning.

It is every school employee's responsibility to attempt to connect with every student they encounter during the course of their day. Most of the children who were ever involved in school shootings were the students who did not have any positive relationships with any adult in their lives. Make an attempt every day to reach out to every student no matter how withdrawn they seem.

Secondly, when you implement the ideas of competency based learning, students will once again begin to consider that possibly they CAN be successful in school. Most of the students who are turned off to school have come to understand there is no way they will succeed. However, competency based learning stops giving acceptable grades for inadequate work. Every student must do at least B work or receive no credit until competency is reached. There is no time limit or number of times a student can attempt an assignment. They are permitted to get help in a variety of ways. They keep working on things until they get it right. There are no more social promotions. Students actually perform up to the minimal standards set for competency. There is much more to this explanation of implementing competency based learning but this is a beginning.

Reports & eBooks

Diversity at Work - Do you believe you maintain a diverse workforce in your company?  Do all your employees come together in critical situations or are there cultural divisions?  This chapter from my book, "Leveraging Diversity at Work: How to Hire, Retain and Inspire a Diverse Workplace for Peak Performance and Profit" discusses diversity issues in the workplace and how maintaining a diverse workforce can create a satisfying work environment for your employees and ultimately contribute to the growth and bottom line of your company. If you would like more information about my book click here or click on the "books" link in the left navigation bar. Receive "Diversity at Work" FREE when you purchase a Coaching Package. Click here or on the "Coaching" link in the left navigation bar to view our packages.

De-Escalation Skills Tip Sheet
Are you someone who is confronted with angry people in the course of your job? Angry co-workers, angry managers, angry customers, angry clients, angry suppliers, angry subordinates? Want to learn ways to take the wind out their sails and have them communicating more cooperatively?

In this special tip sheet, gain some insight into your own anger and methods for getting it under control before attempting to intervene with someone else expressing anger. Also, learn the five proven techniques to de-escalate an angry person that greatly increase your odds for success.

Your staff will be more confident---they will know how to handle difficult situations. Problems will be solved on the front line without the need to pass “situations” on to supervisors. These skills will help you and your employees handle customers and clients with ease. Customer satisfaction will improve, thus helping you increase sales or referrals. You will stand out above your competition.

If you work with residential clients, you can significantly decrease any physical restraints. Don’t let this information pass you by! There is nothing to lose. If you are not satisfied with the information presented, just send me an email and I’ll return the money you paid and you can keep the report.

About Kim Olver

Kim Olver is a professional coach, specializing in the field of interpersonal skills, empowerment and leadership development. She has functioned in the role of supervisor and administrator for over 20 years. This column is for readers to submit their questions for Kim to answer. It could be a question about supervision skills, maximizing teamwork, customer service, interpersonal skills or client satisfaction and empowerment. No interpersonal question in the field of work is off limits. To ask your question, simply send it by email to Kim@CoachingforExcellence.biz and look for her response in future issues.

F-R-E-E Teleclass

How would you like to take one of my teleclasses for f.ree? All you have to do is get two (2) people to subscribe to either of my e-zines and send me their e-mail addresses for confirmation with the name of the teleclass you would like to attend. If you do not wish to attend one of the teleclasses, you can give your f.ree teleclass to a friend or family member. It’s that simple! Send either one or both of the following links to all your friends and family and ask them to subscribe to the e-zine. For the personal edition of "Inside Out", go to The Relationship Center and for the business/school edition go to Coaching for Excellence and have them type their name and email address in the boxes on the right-hand side of the web page where it says, “Subscribe to Receive 'Inside Out', our Fr.ee EZine". Only two people actually have to subscribe for you to be eligible for a f.ree teleclass. Once their subscription has been confirmed you will receive an e-mail giving you the bridge line and access code for the teleclass of your choosing. A listing of teleclasses being offered can be found in both my weekly e-zine or on my calendar page at either web site. There is no limit to the amount of f.ree teleclasses you can earn---you get one f.ree teleclass for every two referrals that sign up for one of my e-zines. Within the next year I am planning on adding many new teleclasses on several topics including the following:

How to Do More in Less Time
Coaching for Peak Performance
Effective Communication
Goal Setting and Attainment
Diffusing Anger
Problem Solving
…….and many more.

Please continue to check this eZine and my website calendar for these new and exciting teleclasses. Don’t wait, take advantage of this offer and experience the new technology of teleclasses, learning and growing from home or office.

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Copyright © January 18, 2006 Kim Olver. All rights reserved.