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Inside Out |
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December 20, 2006 -- Volume 2, Issue 12 |
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A Message from Kim |
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Hi Everybody, The holidays are upon us, marking the end of another year and I have put together what I hope is an irresistible offer for you. I know many of you have people on your gift-giving list who have everything. It is hard to know what to get them. I think an information product is the perfect gift for the person who has everything. For the remainder of December, I am discounting all my products 10% for my loyal subscribers and as a bonus, you will also receive my dynamite "Goal Attainment Tip Sheet" to help you get a jump on your success for 2007! If you are serious about truly accomplishing your goals this year, then attend one of my no cost "Goal Setting Teleconferences" scheduled on 12/27. There are two different times for your convenience. You will learn my 7-Step System for Goal Attainment. There is nothing to lose. Come talk with me on December 27th. Wishing you a safe, happy and healthy holiday season.
Make today the day you want it to be! |
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In This Issue |
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Feature Article Upcoming Events Book Review Tip of the Week Business Q&A Reports & eBooks About Kim Olver |
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Feature Article |
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De-Escalation Techniques: Have you ever been involved in a situation with an angry person when you felt defeated? Either you escalated to their level of aggression or you allowed yourself to get lambasted and felt battered in the end? There are some easy techniques to work with an angry person to take their level of volatility down to a manageable level so you can intellectually process the problem with them. Attempting to reason with those who use anger to intimidate, control, get attention, avoid responsibility, or pump themselves up will generally further add to the aggression or at the very least, be ineffective. Your first order of business is to de-escalate the level of anger. Often in our work environment, we are confronted with angry people, co-workers, those we supervise, customers, supervisors and stakeholders. In the majority of the situations, it is to your benefit to reduce the level of anger in the other person. Before intervening, do a quick assessment to see if you are in the proper frame of mind for an intervention. This generally means can you view this person as someone who is doing the best he or she can to gethis or her needs met at that point in time? Are you of the mind frame that you will not be reduced to his or her level of anger should you intervene? Can you allow that even if you do everything correctly, people may still maintain their anger because it is what works best for them without feeling as if you failed? If the answer to these questions is yes, then proceed. De-Escalation Techniques 1. Simple Listening: Sometimes all that is needed is to allow the angry person to vent all their anger and frustration to someone who is actually attentive to what they are saying. Do not attempt to say anything. Just listen attentively, nod your head and sometimes give encouragers, such as "Uh huh," "Go on," or "Yes. . ." When a person is attempting to get attention with their anger, sometimes all you need to do is to listen until their anger is spent. At that point you may ask a simple question such as, "How can I help you?" 2. Active Listening: Active listening is the process of really attempting to hear, acknowledge and understand what a person is saying. It is a genuine attempt to put yourself in the other person's situation as best you can. Active listening means you are attending not only to the words the other person is saying but also the underlying emotion, as well as, the accompanying body language. 3. Acknowledgement: Acknowledgement occurs when you can legitimately understand the person's angry emotion. You could then honestly respond with, "Wow, I can see how something like that could cause some anger!" You might say, "Man, if that happened to me, I might be angry, too." The tone of your voice is critical in this circumstance. You don't want to use an excitable tone, as it could further incite the angry behavior--rather use a calming and respectful tone of voice designed to help the other person let go of their angry emotion. It confirms the legitimacy of the emotion, but not the behavior. You want the angry person to realize that being angry isn't the problem, the problem is the way he or she is choosing to act out those angry feelings. 4. Apologizing: Apologizing is the fourth of the de-escalation skills. I'm not talking about apologizing for an imaginary wrong. I am talking about sincerely apologizing for anything in the situation that you believe was unjust. It's simply a statement acknowledging that something occurred that wasn't right. I am not asking you to take responsibility for something that wasn't your fault. For example, if you can't find anything for which to apologize, you can always say, "I'm so sorry you having such an awful day" or "I'm sorry the situation has you so frustrated." You can apologize without taking on the blame. 5. Agreeing: Often when people are angry about something, there is at least 2 % truth in what they are saying. When attempting to diffuse someone's anger, it is important to listen for that 2 % of truth and agree with it. When you agree with the 2% of truth in the angry person's tirade, you take away the resistance and consequently eliminate the fuel for the fire. 6. Inviting Criticism: Inviting criticism is the final of the de-escalation skills. In this instance you would simply ask the angry person to voice his or her criticism of yourself or the situation more fully. You might say something like, "Go ahead. Tell me everything that has you upset. Don't hold anything back. I want to hear all you have to say." This invitation will sometimes temporarily intensify the angry emotion but if you continue to encourage the person to vent their anger and frustrations, eventually, they will run out of complaints. Just let them vent until their anger is spent. In essence, this is a combination of inviting criticism and simple listening. You have been presented with six powerful and effective techniques of de-escalation. However, there may be a rare occasion when you are unsuccessful in your attempts to decrease a person's anger. Your safety should be the primary concern. Don't get between the angry person and his or her only means of escape and similarly, don't allow the angry person to block your only means of escape. Always have a plan or an established way to get help if needed and remember to stay calm. An angry person is generally someone capable of getting out of control. When an out of control person senses they are intimidating and scaring others, it can increase their sense of power and control, resulting in an escalation of the situation. You must stay calm at all times and recognize when it is important to seek assistance. Copyright © December 2006 Kim Olver. All rights reserved
NOTICE: This article is free and can be copied and reproduced |
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*Click Here or to read some of Kim's other articles* |
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Upcoming Events |
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Teleconferences All teleconferences free, one (1) hour in length and all you need is a telephone. When you register we will send you a phone number that you will call five minutes prior to the start of your teleconference. You will have the opportunity to ask questions, but if you prefer to just listen that’s all right too. You do not need a computer or Internet, only a telephone. Don’t delay. There are a limited number of slots available. The following Teleconferences are FREE Are you serious about attaining your goals next year? Do you want to do more than make a New Year's Resolution that you forget by the time the Super Bowl is on television? Join me on the free teleconference to learn my time-tested 7-Step process for Goal Attainment. We will do more than set goals--we will discuss a system to implement that will expoentially increase your opportuniy for success. Also, my Goal Attainment System is multi-faceted. You won't just be focusing your attention on your career goals unless you want to. My system has you take a look at all areas of your life so you can accomplish an optimal work/life balance for you. There is nothing to lose but an hour of your itme and so much to gain. Let's make 2007 your best year yet! Empowered Leadership How would you like your leaders to be more effective? How would you like to create a work environment that is empowering to your employees? Register for this call and learn the skills necessary to create an empowered workforce for both management and your employees. Choice Theory & Reality Therapy This class will preview the revolutionary work of one of the greatest thinkers of our time, Dr. William Glasser. During the call, you will learn the basic tenants and concepts of Choice Theory, an explanation of human behavior; Reality Therapy, a process of self-reflection that encourages problem solution and self-growth; Lead Management, a democratic style of leadership that is not only effective in managing workers, but is also effective with the management of students in the classroom and for agencies working with non-voluntary clients; and Quality Schools, a new way of teaching and managing the classroom environment that creates trust, quality relationships, and improved test scores. Sign up today. De-escalation Skills (Anger Management ) Have you ever been involved in a situation with an angry person where you felt defeated? Either you escalate to their level of aggression or you allowed yourself to get lambasted and felt battered in the end? Either way, you lost by allowing the angry person to dictate your responses and control your effectiveness. Come learn some easy techniques to work with an angry individual to take their level of volitility down to a manageable level so you can intellectually process the problem with them. Celebrate Diversity Do you maintain a diverse workforce in your place of business? Do you celebrate diversity? Would you like to learn how to create a diverse workplace that embraces diversity? Register for this call and learn how creating a diverse workforce in your place of business can increase your bottom line and create a more pleasant work environment for you, your co-workers and your employees. |
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Chat Room All Chats are from 7:30 - 8:30 p.m. EST
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Quote of the Week |
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--Fred Sanborn Think about the person you are. Think about what you did yesterday, what you are doing today and what you plan to do tomorrow. What kind of difference will you be making? Do you want to make a strong, positive difference in 2007? Then come check out my free teleconference on Goal Setting on December 27th. You can be the person you want to be and accomplish the things you want to accomplish. All you need is a time-tested system, some support and accountability. Come check it out! |
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Book Review |
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The Fred Factor: Every Person's Guide to Making the Ordinary Extraordinary! This is a very quick read. It's a book with only 80 pages and most of its contents are stories that support Sanborn's points. He is discussing how important it is to be a "Fred." Fred was Sandborn's postman who always went above and beyond in his delivery of Sanborn's mail. He introduced himself to Mr. Sanborn, asked about his occupation and after learning he traveled often as a professional speaker, offered to hold and bundle his mail if Sandborn provided a copy of his schedule. Sandborn tells stories of ordinary individuals who do some extrordinary things. He then speaks about four principles to develop oneself into a Fred. First, recognize that you make a difference everyday. See the quote this month. Second, build relationships. It is relationships that make success happen. Third, create value for others. This is especially important when you are in the business world. And finally, you can reinvent yourself every day. Be the person you want to be. The last portion of his book is dedicated to how to hire Freds and to develop Freds in your current workforce. This is a book I would recommend to anyone wanting to make a positive difference. It doesn't take too much to become a Fred and it is eternally self-gratifying. Give it a try and see what happens. Click here to order this book |
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Tip of the Week |
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This year, as you are formulating your goals for 2007, please remember work/life balance. Most people set career goals or vow to eliminate a bad habit from their lives. In my Goal Attainment System, I advise participants to look at all aspects of their lives and to set goals for each area. Look at work, home & family, health and spirituality goals. Simply having a focus on one area does not bring happiness or a well-rounded approach to life. What I know is that when you focus on one area of your life to the exclusion of the others, something will give--often it is your health or family relationships. This year, do it differently. Take stock. Look at all the important areas of your life. Don't expect certain areas to simply take care of themselves. Consciously plan out where you want to be in all the important areas and set goals to help you get there. Don't pass up the opportunity to learn about my Goal Attainment System on December 27, 2007. Do it different this year--optimize your opportunities for success in 2007! |
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Business Q&A |
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Question: I find that I give everything I have at work. I do more work than anyone else and I am totally taken avantage of by the owners of my company. I got a smaller raise this year than others who do much less than I do. Now I think I should scale back so I am not killing myself for no recognition. You certainly have some choices before you. I would first ask the question, "Is going above and beyond in your job intrinsically rewarding to you?" If it is, then why would you stop doing it? If it doesn't feel good to you, then you may need to reevaluate what you are doing. You could choose to find another place of employment where your contributions would be more valued. You can try to do less so you believe things are more fair. You can attempt to get the recognition you want from the management. Or you can continue to do what you do because it is who you are and it feels good to do extraordinary work. Only you can decide. But I do know that real Freds do what they do because it feels good to them, not because of the rewards or recognition they receive. |
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Copyright © December 20, 2006 Kim Olver. All rights reserved. |
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